Fairly often I have clients tell me “this is like the best kind of therapy!” and I just laugh a little and turn red, and say “thank you”. I truly hope I can help a few women even if it is just creating confidence in their journey of self love.
Creating Confidence with Boudoir
You may recognize Ms. F, as this is her second time gracing the blog – she first appeared in September 2017. Boudoir is such an intimate experience, and it’s an absolute privilege to get to deepen that bond even further with return clients. I love hearing each unique story and helping women along their journey, through boudoir photography. Ms. F is one of the most phenomenal women I’ve had the chance to get to know through boudoir, and I am so honored to share her story and second photoshoot with you. By the time her second shoot came around we were like old friends and she opened up to me about what the boudoir shoot meant to her and what happened to her when she was younger. I appreciate women SO SO much who are willing to be vulnerable with me and let me in. I really connected with Ms. F and she is one of my favorite people on the planet because of this… and because I’m pretty sure we were sisters in a past life.
This is MY Body
Between a traumatic event in childhood and multiple surgeries, Ms. F never felt like her body was her own. She didn’t know it, but she was creating confidence with boudoir.
In Her Own Words
I was 12 years old when I found a camera in my bathroom. I only saw one single picture. I’ll never forget the feeling, and unfortunately, I’ll never forget that image. I never told anyone until I was 28 years old, when I admitted myself into an amazing mental health hospital for 3 months.
Before entering treatment, I also had open heart surgery, a brain tumor, and accompanying those, their good friends: major depression and anxiety. I had some major work to do! My first shoot with Tamara was amazing. I told her it was about how I love my scars. Which is true, although I didn’t mention any of the other thoughts or reasons behind the initial booking.
When I got there, I was super nervous. As soon as I started talking to Tamara, I realized she has this calming yet exciting presence that turns it all into fun. I trusted her. Getting into the photo shoot, I didn’t feel like the terrified little girl, the surgery patient, or the weird depressed girl. I felt like a strong powerful human being, like a WOMAN. I felt control like I’ve never felt before. Tamara asked if she could share some of my pictures online. I was scared. I was hesitant… but then that sense of control came back.
This time it is MY CHOICE.
I want to share.
…..I also booked another session.
The second shoot was me just being me (with the amazing skills of Tamara and her make up/hair team). It’s like going to a therapist who lets you play in her awesome closet! After the shoot, she asked if she could use the images again.
The battle with depression, trauma, anxiety, and self esteem is an ongoing one. I’ll never stop fighting, there are those bad days when those familiar thoughts of “you’re a weird, damaged little girl”, “you aren’t good enough and you never will be”, “you’re beyond repair”. Those thoughts and the sense of worthlessness can be crippling and defeating. I know I’m not the only one who has those thoughts. But, they aren’t real. I can look back on the photos Tamara took of me and say: “Look. Look how strong and in control you are. You can do this!!”
It helps to have people like Tamara support what you’ve been trying to convince yourself all these years. It reinforces what I’ve learned in treatment and therapy, and that I am on the right path. These were more than just photo shoots. Boudoir was a cathartic experience for me. I absolutely love what Tamara is doing through her work. Her pictures are amazing too! 😉
– Ms. F
Ms. F, you are incredible. You are such a beautiful and inspiring muse! Thank you so much for sharing your story. I can’t wait for our next shoot!
Hair and makeup by Chantee Willis